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NaomiS

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:54 pm

...and I don't know how good/bad/ugly it is...

So...a sneak peak...only in return from some HONEST opinions though!!
I'm probably going to change the names of fay and charlie, so I'll be happy for any ideas, I'm being deliberatly vague about characters age/gender so casting is easier...
Oh and V.O. stands for voice over


ALEX walks into the church sanctuary, voices still echoing in his/her head...

ALEX(V.O.)
(screams) NOOOO!

VOICE 1(V.O)
(urgent...forceful)
Get out...go on get out NOW!

ALEX (V.O)
But...she's...you'll...

VOICE 1(V.O.)
NOW!

VOICE 2(V.O)
Is that..on your...I don't ever want to see you again

ALEX (V.O.)
No...it's not...you can't do this!

VOICE 3 (V.O.)
Alex...what's happened to you? This isn't you!

ALEX (V.O.)
It is now

VOICE 3 (V.O.)
There's still time you know

ALEX (V.O.)
Is there...?

ALEX takes a seat in the front row

ALEX
Well...is there? (looks around) So what happens now...do I get a sign? A big flash of lighting...a sudden realisation? (sighs) Or just silence...this silence. (Beat) So I guess I do most of the talking. (waits) Yep...seems that way. This is that bit isn't it...that bit in the films where everything's gone wrong...so the main character finds a church and sits there...and ponders the possibilities of God. Except there's usually a vicar around somewhere. Well I'm taking the fast route. Direct line. Or whatever. Anyway. Here I am. Now what? (Phone rings, ALEX looks at the screen)Ah...need to answer this...we'll have to do this later. (accepts the call, starts to walk out) Hello..yeah ok I'm just on my way, what's happened?


Cut to CHARLIE sitting with FAY at the back of the church

CHARLIE
They've found something. Someone. Look, are you sure you want to do this here?

FAY
You said somewhere quiet...away from everything...

CHARLIE
Yes...but...oh well I guess here's as good as anywhere. Right, this really isn't going to be easy, but

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:58 pm

Nice! I think it can be hard to get the gist from scripts (not much description) but I wanna know what happens!

this really isn't going to be easy, but...???????
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 6:59 pm

I haven't written that bit yet!!

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 7:01 pm

o i see! booo!!! Sad
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 7:30 pm

and anyway..I'm not giving it all away!!

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david symington



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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 8:38 pm

phuh dan trying 2 get all the secret script!!!! i think ur story sounds real gd so far, keep it up Very Happy
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 9:03 pm

thanks!! Smile I've already hit a problem with it lol!!

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david symington



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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 9:13 pm

ahhhh well i hope it goes well Very Happy
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 9:28 pm

Thank you!! Hopefully I'll find a way round it...we'll see...if I look a mess and very stressed on Sunday, you'll know it's gone a bit wrong!!
Oh you're all at Nexus!!

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 11:24 pm

lol yh we were!

What sort of problem? Or would that give away the plot? Smile
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 11:33 pm

Well something big happens to a character before we get to know them...but if I add something in it messes up continuity...but I think I've found a solution

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Tue Sep 22, 2009 11:35 pm

Ah cool
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:06 pm

ahh writing a script is hard!! Fun...but hard...plot holes everywhere...and where plot holes end continuity errors begin!!

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neets

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Wed Sep 23, 2009 5:18 pm

I'm sure it's great Naomi, and the bit you've already written is really like exciting and 'makes you want to read on' lol

I think once you get the whole script done you may be able to think of a different name, names often depend on their personality and you've got to find the right name to suit that character

xxx
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 4:57 pm

aahh I'm a rubbish writer!! Just watched the Shawshank redemption - I am NEVER going to be able to write like that!! Watching that film and then going back to my own script...well. Eye opener.

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:32 pm

Hey I wouldn't worry! Shawshank is widely regarded as one of, if not, THE best film made! To write a script like that requires a brilliant writer (the book was by Stephen King!) and many, many years of experience- who's to say that, given a few years, it won't be Alex, Charlie and Fey instead of Andy and Red? Very Happy
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:40 pm

I very much doubt it - I don't even understand the plot, and I'm supposed to be writing it!! I have no idea who did what, when or why!!! Seriously, my notes are all questions!!

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:44 pm

Lol It's only by asking questions that a story emerges! Don't give up, use what you've got and work out those questions! I know it sounds cheesy but try putting yourself in their shoes and work out their emotions (I'm probably teaching you to suck eggs there!).
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:50 pm

Yeah I guess.

I'll try, the problem comes in that I don't really know what has happened to anyone!

Hold on, I've changed the way that bit I copied and pasted inthe original post goes on, the Charlie/Fay scene comes later now:

Well I'm taking the fast route. Direct line. Or whatever. Anyway. Here I am. Now what? (Phone rings, ALEX looks at the screen)Ah...need to answer this...we'll have to do this later. (accepts the call, starts to walk out) Hello..yeah hi sorry got distracted...I'm on my way now

As ALEX leaves the church sanctuary, JAMIE rushes in. Slow motion shot as ALEX and JAMIE look at each other as they pass, they have met before but are in no hurry to stop and talk

JAMIE
(out of breath)
Well (looking around) I've never hidden in a church before. (Takes the nearest seat). Saying that...this isn't something I plan to make a habit of, though it does seem like I am. My word I'm actually talking to myself. (stops, something isn't right) I'm not sure I am...come out wherever you are! Come on, there's no point in hiding, it's not like I've got the advantage is it...(waits a second)well come on then, you've got me! COME ON!

Out peaks a LITTLE GIRL from behind the Pulpit, she looks at JAMIE expectantly

JAMIE
Oh, hello..how long have you been here?

LITTLE GIRL just shrugs

JAMIE
err...ok then, can you tell me your name?

LITTLE GIRL smiles

JAMIE
(slowly)
Right...can you talk at all?

LITTLE GIRL
(giggles) Yes

JAMIE
Oh, right, good. Well, the person who was in here before

LITTLE GIRL
You know them


JAMIE
Well, yes. How do you know?

LITTLE GIRL
(Giggles) You look at them funny

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“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”.
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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:57 pm

Curiouser and curiouser...
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:57 pm

it's rubbish isn't it

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 5:58 pm

NO! Stop putting yourself down!!! Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation Exclamation
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 6:01 pm

I can't help it!!
This scene...argh
Is this too much information too early?

JAMIE
Well...ok little erm...person, have you seen them in here before? Have they...said anything in here before?

LITTLE GIRL
(shakes her head) Lots of people come in here. They mostly sit there with their eyes closed. Why are you here?

JAMIE
Me...er...well, there are people who want to meet me, but I, err, don't want to meet them

LITTLE GIRL
Bad people?

JAMIE
Some of them are, but some I suppose are quite...good

LITTLE GIRL
(looks confused)
Mummy says there's no such thing as bad people. Just bad things.

JAMIE
I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this. Can you keep a secret?

LITTLE GIRL smiles and nods

JAMIE
(smiles back) great. Well if anyone comes in here asking for Alex - that's the person who was in here before, or Jamie, that's me, we were never here, OK?

LITTLE GIRL giggles and nods

JAMIE heads out to leave, and has just opened the door to go when...

LITTLE GIRL
You should speak to the good people. Bad secrets are hard to carry

JAMIE
What did you say?

LITTLE GIRL just giggles, and runs to the door and out of the church, JAMIE, looking confused also leaves

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Danw

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PostSubject: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 6:04 pm

Hard to say without knowing the rest of the plot. It's not like you give away a massive amount at once- it's still pretty vague and it gives the audience interested (especially with some good acting!)
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NaomiS

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PostSubject: Re: I'm writing something...   Thu Sep 24, 2009 6:06 pm

Have you worked out who the 'good people' are?

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